alternative health, holistic healing, my medical marijuana journey

My Medical Marijuana Journey; an experiment: volume five, six & beyond

article-picWell, it’s been since April that we celebrated the success of the experiment. In one month we were able to build a better, faster more competent cure.

The most amazing part of this story at an overall is that we seem to have, in a very short time- rehabilitated my reproductive system.

The results of the ultrasound shown in volume 4 were no lie. The eradication of the supposed cancerous mass proved a worthy feat and one that we undertook in faith and trepidation. Post results, however there was still no answer to the initial question and the OBGYN @ hand offered nothing in the way of solutions ( except the aforementioned hormones he was pushing. ) I decided that i wanted a second opinion. The OBGYN serving me at the time of this ordeal had not done much to help me really other than point out something that needed to be cured, which i then took it upon myself to cure… So off i went, back to the original Doctor.  After confronting her errors about pretty much everything she put forth to me, she didnt seem too interested in attesting to her true lack of knowledge in what was really going on. Each time i mentioned to one of these western medicine Dr’s that i had cured myself holistically – none seemed too interested, too surprised or expressed any further inquiry into the matter. What it comes down to, is  simple programming, these Dr’s spend half their lives being educated to work a failing system, give health advice by synthetic standards ( read: the health canada food guidelines which are stealthly crafted to manifest illness, perpetuate obesity and heart disease and boost bottom lines. ) So when it comes to the mention of anything holistic whatsoever, be it TCM, naturopathy or even a simple question of an herb you hear:  ” I cannot attest to the efficacy, there is no solid research backing, there are no standardized doses approved by any regulatory body ” etc. etc. – What those peeps do have standardized though, is a list of dismissals to pull from.

Not only do they have a lack of interest and knowledge, but they actually strive to deter you from going the natural route, for obvious reasons considering they can’t swipe a healthcard for a service not covered by OHIP – there are no big-pharma kick-backs from nature herself and the concept of integrative medicine is to many modern day Physician, still regarded as new-agey nonsense. There was a wonderful article i read in the New York Times blog- about the search for meaning in modern medicine. Which deals with the very real subject of Dr’s apathy and detachment towards humanity. For a profession that initially was built on the value of human thriving and wholistic wellness- somewhere along the century’s path- medicine, like most else- became cold and corporatized. (* i should note that i do speak in generalizations, because while the majority are cold and calculating – i have seen amazing evolutions of traditional medical doctors making the move towards integrative medicine- impressive and brave attempts at giving momentum to a renaissance in modern medicine. you know who you are, and i thank you all. )

So- well aware of the state of the system-  i patiently continued along my path with western medicine, the reality is until OHIP recognizes so called ‘alternative healing’ and naturopathic practitioners as legitimate healing options, we are responsible for investing in these ‘alternatives’ ourselves; and god bless them they deserve what they earn and more- but many of us entrepreneurs do not have access or ability to afford the massive treatment bills (  and i’d rack ’em up if i could) –  accupuncture, herbalists, chinese medicine doctors and loads of other therapeutic healing treatments, i’d do it all. But until i forge my heartcentric empire, i have little choice but to utilize my basic health coverage; in this case- for testing purposes ( MRI’s and diagnostic ultrasounds and bloodwork and the like ) and on the side, do with what natural cures i have.  After months on end of waiting,  no closer to having an actual answer to the amenorrhea or the abdominal pain-  i nodded my head through my follow-ups, requested a second opinion and smiled patiently when the appointment for my second-opinion OBGYN came in. August. (bless canada healthcare) So i’d wait until August.

All the while focusing on my clean diet which every day moved towards being raw-vegan ( if only i could stop eating cheese ), and i continued to take my medical cannabis only this time we lowered the dose. For the next months until my follow up i would adhere to a maintenance dose, once every few days- maybe once a week, sometimes every other week even- conserving the magic medicine for anything pressing that might arise.  ( including an exciting skin&bodycare line we are developing )  When my late August appt. came ’round, since I had already pretty much decided that i wasn’t too interested in much of what any western medicine dr. would have to say, I had a specific intention in mind for what i wanted from this new Specialist- to get as many tests ordered as possible, do the full work up- any and every ultrasound- Basically anything that would put me closer to having a full scope understanding of what was going on in my body. So that i could then treat myself naturally according to the imbalances.

During my first appt. with this new Specialist, of course i also had to nod my way through her own opinion which yielded what the she described as a ‘presumptive diagnosis’ – ( which basically means she doesn’t know shit and is pulling something out of her educated ass- similar to what most western dr’s do…) She proclaimed with near utter certainty, that i was suffering from Asherman’s syndrome- which is basically an infertility sentence- but in reality a syndrome that occurs when you undergo a D&C either post-miscarriage or abortion. It happens when the Surgeon gets a little agressive with the suction or slippery with his tools and basically injures your insides, thus leaving scartissue that once healed up results in a variety of symptoms from fusion and closing off of the fallopian tubes to endometriosis to a slew of other not so nice side effects- some of which i was experiencing.

I was told it would be highly unlikely i would be able to bare children; and if this was indeed the case my only option remaining was to take the previous prescribed high level hormone dose to see if my body would essentially re-set itself, begin ovulating and produce mentruation… ( for what? ) Still unwilling to go this route i dug deeper to push my strategy. I could go for a Hysterosalpingogram which is basically a procedure wherein they shoot a specified amount of saline/dye solution into your reproductive system in order to generate an image that is easier to read, as the dye passes through the cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show issues such as injury, damage or abnormal structure of the organs, or in severe cases- full blockage that would prevent an egg moving through the fallopian tubes into the uterus.  A resounding yes rang through the room as i agreed to challenge her ‘ presumptive diagnosis’ – and off i went with a requisition for more bloodwork to check hormone levels and a pending-date with an ultrasound machine.

1 more week passes, ( the six month mark since i began to dig into this issue ) …i receive the appointment date. All the while in my personal life i was dealing with the death of a loved one and the return of an ex with whom i had an abusive relationship- so my challenge heightened with a barrage of unexpected stress. Through memorial planning and mourning i made my way to the ultrasound appointment, which was a two part test. One half i would endure one week and a week later return for the second half. The latter being when the Dr. on hand explained to me, as she finished up injecting the dye and receiving the image on the tv screen beside me – everything looked clear. There was no sign of asherman’s. my fallopian tubes were fully open and according to my body- i could facilitate pregnancy at any time. Wow. A big sigh of relief swept through my entire body as i had actually begun to accept the notion that i might never bare children, which in my late teens and early 20’s wasn’t really on my radar- but through the experience of losing a child, i had gained the knowledge that i indeed wanted one. My follow-up appointment was 4 weeks from the time of this test, in between i got the bloodwork required of me and continued my healthy lifestyle, only this time i eased up nearly completely on the cannabis. Reserving what little was left for emergencies…

The followup was 3 days ago. Into her office i went, feeling certain and uncertain all at once, still not knowing what the truth was and i was definitely not expecting what was to come. The ultrasound results were perfect, my reproductive system had made a full recovery it seemed ( i was met with apathy as i shared with her the notion that i’d been treating myself naturally ) She smiled, though seemed confused that her ‘presumption’ had been incorrect and was ready to dismiss me until she opened the bloodwork results which confirmed high levels of prolactin. A breast exam in which she squeezed my nipples which resulted in a release of liquid, confirming that this bloodwork diagnosis was indeed affirmative, and from there she proceeded to explain the potential causes . Prolactin is a peptide-hormone produce by the pituitary gland, that fulfills a variety of functions including immune system regulation and in the case of pregnant women- it is the hormone that promotes lactation.  Why would an un-pregnant 32 year old woman who does not take pharma meds, nor have any diseases to speak of and is in pretty good physical condition have high prolactin levels? Well as it seems this can be caused by a variety of things- none of which i am a candidate for – except the most troublesome – a brain tumor. Pituitary to be exact. Not a word anyone really wants to hear in an otherwise seeming routine appointment.

There is alot of information out there regarding this type of tumor and interestingly a statistic said that nearly 1 in 1000 people out there have one. For the most part these tumors are benign and do not cause any issue although there are exceptions: – the other side of this can bring suffering in the way of infertility, menstrual issues, sickness, vision problems, and for those tumors that are malignant it can mean cancer with the potential to spread.  I was sent on my way after a series of questions from me resulted in little enlightenment from her. I suppose in her mind her work was now done. I was to get more blood taken, be passed off to an Endocrinologist, sent for an MRI and basically thrust back into the system yet again. So as i left the office, somewhat confused by the idea that i might actually be suffering from a brain tumor- i laughed. I laughed because in certain circumstances there is not much else that can be done. I laughed because i wasn’t quite ready to cry ( i’m still not ) I laughed at the utter hilarity of it all.. wondering silently could i have done anything differently, could i have prevented this from happening, is she really just full of shit? does she even know what she is suggesting is a possibility? I had no answers, and so i laughed. At the very least that laughter would be met with a sigh of relief once i arrived home and took another dose of oil.

So i had come full circle- from curing ‘cancer’ with cannabis, back to a seeming square one- where all is uncertain and without confirmation or negation – and i have only my own tools of empowerment to lead me as i wait patiently for yet another appointment to come. Interestingly after doing some research on the subject i have learned that according to some studies- marijuana actually has a significant effect on the prolactin levels in humans. All in all, a comedic irony- if at the end of it all – it comes down to the cure being the inadvertent instigator of the ‘disease.’

In the next weeks until i meet with the Endocrinologist to get her take, I will be documenting my experimental treatment to see if i can by way of holistic healing, beat my body to the proverbial punch.

update: 4 months have passed since my last update here and in that time i have been mostly in a waiting phase, i saw the so-called specialist @ women’s college hospital in Toronto who in effect sent me off on the same journey as all the other western medicine peeps tried to- a high level hormone diagnostic treatment. here is an update video:

update: April 2014, a full year has passed since i began this experiment, and as i continue my own journey, I have re-integrated a daily dose of plant medicine along with a high dose of vegan omegas. The question i am posing to both the plant and to myself i suppose is whether i am able to successfully regulate my hormones with this regimen. In addition to this i have been receiving much feedback from readers whom have connected with my story and have been in similar situations themselves, with little to no answers from western medicine, i continue to collect as much wisdom as possible and as a sidenote: I have been polishing this series for publication in various relevant magazines as well as considering its editing for a book on the topic. Continued feedback is honoured.

if you haven’t yet:  for those of you out there- whom in one way or another, have been effected by cancer- or any other destructive disease- i petition you to please take a look at the many many documentary films available out there- to educate you on the healing alternatives that exist. Primarily as related to cannabis as a cure- please watch any of these:






alternative health, my medical marijuana journey

My Medical Marijuana Journey: an experimental series: vol. 2

the following is a series of entries, as i progressed through the first real week of treatment, i let the medicine do its work and when i was compelled, inspired or otherwise had important information to note, i wrote.
i wrote alot.
i am presenting these notes in a journalistic format- and any additional information i have to share, will be inserted at the end of this piece.
Much has happened since i began this wellness journey and i want to provide as thorough a look at the process as i can.

March 18th,
dosage= 1 capsule per day in the morning
it’s around 4 am, going in to the fifth day of the new healing regime between my nutitional shakes and feeling good about polishing off the reference area to the first piece of the series, i am happy.

I’ve felt a little while ‘on’ these capsules, as if each time i dose  the medicine; a tiny motor is being set off- ignited inside me and i propel forward into the day with a sense of newness that is welcome in the late winter days,  spring is the most deceitful season, erratic and often unforgiving in its surges of temperament, yet
alleviating the sense of never ceasing winter- is the lingering sunlight in the late afternoon- that strives with the axis of the earth, surely to bring back long days, warm days, filled with promise.

– i seem to remain unattached to the concept that i am amidst the possible throes of a health crisis, as it seems quite intense when i consider falling momentarily into a throttle of fear- i feel a brief grasp around my heart like hot fingers made of metal that’s been heated on a stove.

but then i breathe myself back into the moment and remember that all is only illusory but now- and i am safe and warm indoors and alive.

organic nuts still crunch delicious- and i am still thriving compared to many. We decided early to up my dose to two capsules- so i am quickening this healing experiment, getting as much herbal remedy into me, as possible… hold on tight child, you are in for an interesting ride…whispers the voice inside me, of she who must know what lays ahead.

 March 19th,
dosage= 2 capsule per day in the morning
it’s early afternoon…there has been a noticeable- change since i upped the dosage to 2 capsules vs. 1- i have picked up on the subtle shift that in essence when i tune in, feels like something gently picks me up- and whisks me along my hours- the daily activities i allow to unfold organically, and i take moments when compelled to return to the page to commit a feeling or two to eternity.

i am supposed to be cleansing today, having stayed up all night working and planning to get an early start, around 5 am it became clear that my former abilities and penchant- for sacrificing sleep and getting a strange burst of creative energy from the delirium, seem to be outweighed by my body’s need for rest and replenishment- so i honor that, and set the intention of allowing life to abide by my concept of time. and allowing my body to dictate my action.

i think that is the most important, most special and most blessed thing about being an entrepreneur- is the ability to harness your own concept of time and apply it to your to’do list, and all measures of perspective as related to how life ‘ought to happen’
feeling un-encumbered by someone else’s notion of when things should be done, or when the work ought to happen is something i cannot see giving up now that i have tried to hard to work towards being able to license this reality as my own.

i do though, have moments where i am certain of what needs to happen and i impress upon myself the need to focus energy in strategic places- creative energy here- communicative vibes over there. the medicine takes hold, the motor is running and my list of potential accomplishments is miles and miles wide- so i say a small prayer and i’m off… with just a little or alot of water, and some mindful movement i know i can make it through this next phase of accomplishment- however big, deep and wide that statement stretches….
one capsule of cannabis and one painkiller and ill wash my face, pop some vitamin C and catalyse.

into the sixth day…
i decided tonight after visiting the pharmacy to fill the ten day prescription for heavy dose hormones, to do a little more research into the ‘possibilities’
– first i set out to research these pills, they are called provera and they are 10MG pills, which i am to take once per day for ten days.
the oh so lovely sounding side effects include, abdominal pain, breast pain, nausea, headaches, moodswings, depression, rapid and excessive weight gain????
since i was instructed by the specialist OBGYN to do this little diagnostic experiment i have been mulling over whether or not i would actually go through with this treatment, i figured i would do my digging for wisdom, explore my options and let my body and the moon guide me…
la luna is full in one short week so i believe i will take the time between now and then to allow the decision to come to me naturally.
as it happens this particular hormone is used in HRT for post menopausal women and for women who have endometrial or breast cancer ( albeit in much higher doses) i am not entirely certain as to the full breadth of logic behind this dr’s decision to have me put myself ( emotions especially) through the ringer of a hormone hayride.

alas i will press pause on that topic for the time being- and briefly touch on some of the horrifc realities i uncovered today whilst researching things such as endometrial cancer, ovarian cancer, and some of the other language used at my last gynecologists appointment..
there are striking similarities in terms of what i have been experiencing for the alst few months, and the symptoms that present themselves to women who are facing stage 3 or 4 cancer.
although i venture to hope that some of these things might be psychological and mirrored by my sub-conscious fear somehow..
i have also come to see there seems to be an entire world of natural hormonal balance supplements, distributed under many brands and available in many different forms, so in addition to the hormonal naturopathic specialist that i am booking an appt. with this week, i will be looking to some of these as well i believe, funds allowing.

i have started to move towards 3 capsules a day of the medicinal cannabis
and i patiently wait in hopefulness that it can do the work it is meant to do, but also lift my spirits after reading so much on blogs and websites and forums that has struck a frozen chord of fear in my heart.
it’s a discomfort un-affected by any pain medicine, or elixir.
and i long for the light to ignite my darkness.
if i seek it out through my breathe i trust it will arrive in time with the dawn.
if sleep graces me i will pray for dreams of vital rebirth.
field of green and verdant lush, the wind of revolution at my back and i stnad arms outstretched to the sky, a warrior at the edge of the earth, at the dawn of a new time. and i will be free.

day 6 & 7
oops i forgot to take my morning capsule- likely because i did not put in under my pillow where i have been storing them.
i just popped it after about an hour of digging- trying to figure out what the OBGYN wrote in his clinical notes area on the ultrasound form; i called to make my ultrasound appointment for next wednesday- and i even called back after and spoke to the receptionist again, asking her if she has ever heard of this strange word written on my ultrasound form which to me, looked like it read: LEFT CACLENEXA
lenxa, as i discovered is ONLY a city in kansas and the correct term is in fact adnexal! which is some form of diagnostic used for assessing tumors in ovaries.
now that i know the correct term i will do alittle more digging.
 … the pain in my left ovary lower abdomen is just a pinching redolent of ovulation rather than a deep ache.
here’s to hoping i can figure out more than just radiology terms.
i really want to educate and enlighten myself as much as possible amidst all of this- providing myself enough knowledge to ensure that i am taking the right supplements
eating the right foods and being able, overall to monitor any results.

spring equinox has found its way here through a long grey-ish season, and the sun has yet to abide by gracing us with its presence, consistently.

some great tunes for today:

canadian beauty- bahamas

i see the sun rising in the late afternoon to meet the end of the first real day of the season, and i open up my window to allow in the gusty winter wind- despite its chill, it brings with it the faint whiff of spring…. such a promising scent, however subtle.

i started this journey on the 16th of march and having made it past the 4 day point i am gradually increasing my dosage from two to eventually three capsules, i have noticed that it gives me a bit of an energy boost when i first take it, sortof a creative kick in the pants that ignites my need to ‘do’ vs. ‘be’ which in most cases i am grateful for.

so when i emailed elephant journal to ask the editorial team if they were interested in republishing this series- the response was ” we’d love it- it’s fantastic’
i immediately thought- great! more exposure for a cause and a plethora of info that could use more exposure- but after a day or so of pondering- i reconsidered how i would position this piece, for the sake of being protective.
and having said that- i am now expressing a little trepdiation with regards to revealing such personal information about myself- within the context of a subject that is very controversial, especially right now in canada, as they have been in the midst of re-visitng the MMAR

 laws, and so a bit of a pang of fear befell me, as i imagine is typical with all ventures that are outside of the comfort zone- or otherwise a big leap in personal expression…
it occurred to me that there are people in this society- who would like nothing more than to fry peeps like me, who are exercising the right to heal as i choose to- rather than how western medicine deems it fit for me to heal…
there is alot of controversy indeed around the big pharma business- and its role in perpetuating illness, vs. curing it
there is even more controversy around medicinal cannabis- not only surrounding its current illegality but also those peeps who prey on others – home invasions happen all the time in this country, and thus its very important for me to protect myself and my family- and to that end- i would prefer to make it known that this medicine that is being made- is being made OUTside of where we live- at an undisclosed location, where the alchemy takes place-
thus none of the medicine itself, other than a few days worth of capsules at a time- are actually held here in my home.

reality is- i was not expecting to begin writing this series, in fact there is a lot surrounding this i was not planning for… i definitely wasn’t planning for potential cancer or disease and with regards to my writing i had the intention of writing in my typical stream of consciousness poetic style, in a series of artistic pieces = i had no intention of beginning this journey to wellness by alternative means, and writing about it- but the universe called me to this.. and who am i to argue with what the universe wants?
no one.

going into the first week, or coming out of it rather … leaves me with quite the headache infact… perhaps a little more sleep last night may have been smarter, i woke early with an alarm for no reason other than to greet the day at an earlier hour and see if she had anything to offer that couldn’t wait until 2pm.

at some moment i became a little too intellectual about this process and a little less about listening to my body- i am reminded as i blink through the pain…yet  grabbing the laptop to allow the words through the keys seemed the only thing that would free my of my pain.     
it’s that nudge that just gets louder as you lay dozing awakened and unable to go back to sleep for the whispering, the silent movement swaying you home to the page.

i imagine that my body is indeed encountering some serious chemical reaction – as i act a catalyst to its metamorpohizing- i need to listen so closely for its often silenced by intellect-
and remember to breathe deeper.
i say, “self, temple, body that brought me here i deeply love you, appreciate you..
allow you to be liberated, freed and cured of all cultivated illness or abuse or otherwise, allow you to heal and thus nourish my heart, mind and spirit, within your dynamic abilities- help me to  move into the natural flow of life,  for i know you are so wise you know  just the right frequency to attune to.
i pledge to you: moving forward-i promise i will drop deeper into  body.
and with love, focused intention, be present in the moment”

and she answers me…” stay firm and grounded within me and i shall deliver you all the nourishment you seek
stand by me, not in front of me and beside me not behind me, aligned, singular, nondualistic.
bringing together all the pieces, shifting towards balance.”
and my nature calls a truce with itself, and i find i am aligning towards centre.
within the temple. safe under the blanket of life.

i know vitality is achievable if i just keep seeking the right alchemy.


read volume 3