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feng shui your universe vol.1 – banish your baggage: relationship feng shui

Summer swept through our lives seeming so quickly up here in Canada and with it the whimsical notions of sun drenched adventures and days that never end…are out…
One of the most beautiful things in the world to me, is autumn in Ontario… everything alight with firey harvest glory and whilst springtime is typically the ubiquitous time of cleansing, detox, cleaning out closets and sweeping the dusty chambers of our consciousness- regardless of equinox or solstice, in every seasonal shift there is always a sense that we need to also shift our environments within and without; become mindful of any buried and/or burdening baggage, rid our universe of the things, people, circumstances which no longer serve highest level good, burn down the blockages that block the ability to flow with the moments that weave colourful experience into life.

Time for a good feng shui cleanse.
Those aspects of your life that are stagnant or simply sucking up valuable mindscape real estate? They gotta go; and never a better time than now, to evolve past who you were and recalibrate your reality into a vibrant and revitalized version of now.
One thing i have learned, is that often by the time peeps begin to feel the weight of excess baggage in their lives- it may already have caused much un-realized damage that needs repair and replenishing. So ever-important is the necessity of being mindful of what makes up our proverbial (and literal ‘houses’)  … audit the feng shui of our soul – assess what it is we carry around, year after year, day-to-day, to determine what needs to take a serious hike, the hell out of our lives.

Mindful or not, the reality is that the excess crap in our lives, looks for a place to hide… it seeks out  weak spots within and without us, like a compromised immune system, vulnerable to disease- the clutter and the baggage finds a way to cling…this comes in many forms, unhealthy relationships, excess material nonsense that overflows our homes, obsessive thought-loops that fester anxiety and blockages, old love letters, photos, clothes that no longer fit, the shit that we own, very much ends up owning us- and the relationships we keep define our character. So in the overall picture of optimal wellness- it is essential to sit with yourself, take stock of your universe, and to formulate a plan to feng shui it- into alignment.

For me there is a strategy and a methodology that helps to cultivate balance and shed the shit that no longer serves; a finely tuned skill-set incorporating the concept of feng shui; That ancient system of order that allows for optimal flow of energy within the world(s) we live in; and inspired by the principles i’ve curated my own ‘cleansing’ an interpretation for detox and re-order.

I have applied sacred logic to the lay of the land within, and in my ‘house’ it is more than simple (re)placement or symbolic (re)decoration, but a dynamic way of rebirthing, re-organizing and replenishing all that composes my existence.
( disclaimer: those whom are serious into the system of feng shui, consider some of this conceptual and loosely used, bound to no pre-conception, held to no expectation except a theoretical inspiration for which to plot thriving. )

relationshipfengshui:

Having a deep seated desire to live a minimalist life, carries with it the need to continuously be consciously-choosing the hows, whos and whys, prioritizing both the expending of energy and the space i allot for all ‘things’ in my world. The most sticky of all shui- is the art of human relationship, the most difficult things to release, re-calibrate or re-constitute, are the relationships, the people we know and the love that we give and the emotional connections that contribute to the vast woven quilt of our very being itself.. Sometimes the relationships are living, breathing people and sometimes it’s relationship to self, how we relate to our emotions or connect to past situations – indeed sometimes this baggage is about all about healing the memory. Recalibrating our connection to source, by ridding residual ‘shit’.
Understanding the intricate dynamics of connection and relation is something that has required the highest level of practice, sensitivity, courage and confidence. All of my life, I have been a magnet for emotional vampires. I’ve been an enabler to addicts and a co-dependant to destruction, witnessed more turmoil and cut more people off,  by the time i was 20, than most do in a lifetime on earth… and from my own history-book of perceived errors- i have a lot to offer to those who are unsure how to proceed in this aspect of the cleanse.

I’ve been in relationships that have been riddled with abuse, relationships where i gave past the point of exhaustion, relationships that mirrored my own masochism and fear, relationships that went on for years after their best before date, that in themselves bred so many levels, layers, compartmentalized suffering and life-blocking baggage- sometimes i lost myself, forgot the essence of real love, the feeling and the understanding of what a healthy connection felt like. Lost the perspective of what a healthy universe looked like…But the massive growth that took place within even as i smothered it by hoarding hurt and fostering the wrong things, and appeasing the beast that created destruction- was un-rivalled. Without the dark days and the repressed emotional injury and the buried baggage within me- i would need to unearth, i never would have stepped into the light of understanding, with real wisdom to share around the art of feng shui, as a tool for healing; As related to relationships it’s a delicate circumstance but like all the other ’stuff’ it is essentially the same- it requires forgiveness and release and an ultimate understanding of why it festered and blocked up and why you buried and carried, it- and once that perspective becomes evident it becomes easy to leave behind.
For me- those days are gone and though the work never ends, i have fought long and hard for the wisdom i have earned as related to relationship release and detox.

Sometimes i face this shit head on by straight-up telling peeps they are getting the boot, sometimes in certain situations it is more important to simply allow the gentle release of people who no longer fit into the larger picture wellbeing of your world- than to strive to repair any damage or disorder.  Over the last 6 months or so, i have released more people than ever in a shorter time-span, many of them former clients, whom were no longer mirroring integrity that i demand in my relationships, or whom were moving away from a system of values that complemented my own. This portion of my feng shui system is never easy as it involves the emotions of others coupled with much courage to admit to yourself the failure that comes with accepting the truth. If the circumstance is toxic it can shapeshift and hide and appear incognito under the guise of goodwill.

We are taught that relationships are a lot of work and that notion is true- however we are not taught, through societal representation and historical documentation-  the right time to give up and say goodbye. Assessing this is something so deeply personal, dependant on a plethora of perceptions working to achieve the same goal. The ultimate health and value of a relationship can mean the difference between a thriving life, and a life repressed and drowning in excess.
There is no solid system for determining how and when is the right time to release, however when you endeavour to do so, i would offer the same advice as i adhere to in my own journey- and that is to make both objective and subjective determinations based on whether this relationship, at its core and essence- inspires you to be a better person.
Do your core values align?
Do you share the same ideals, ethics, philosophies, beliefs and both adhere to them, Does your connection kindle the fire of self mastery- to ascend?
Does it provide good energy ‘behind your back’ – ( good ‘backing’ – in traditional fen shui  is defined by strong, supportive, protective energy )
or is the backing bad, blocked with sha chi and riddled with negative chatter, false loyalty and ‘poison arrows’ or sharp right-angled corners that deceive, deflect your good intentions and deplete your vital forces?
Do you offer the same level of love and selfless giving that is required of any truly healthy connection?
Do you spend more time arguing or ‘working on the relationship’ than you do enjoying one another’s presence? Does that presence fill you with light or with darkness?
Are you truly in one another’s corner? and your ‘relationship corner’ brightly lit with unconditional support, or is it riddled with mirrors reflecting negative aspects of self?
Does this relationship leave you feeling as if you are truly kindred and not only understood but honoured for your unique and wonderful ways?
What is the single most important reason to foster that connection? Is it Selfish? Selfless? Suffersome?
These are some of the things i would advise to consider when tackling the task of ’people’ on your detox plan.

The main reason peeps do end up carrying alot of physical baggage is inextricably linked with emotional suffering. Incidents of pain and heartbreak can create a space within us that we then will seek to fill with much useless shit.
( indeed there are many people in this world who have fundamental emptiness, and not emptiness as related to enlightenment but emptiness as related to ‘lack’..however that is a personal challenge and not always one that is triggered by relationships, the emptiness of lack is one born of confusion and an error in understanding of what the meaning of true wealth is, and it’s more one of a sad state of self-deprecation, ignorance or pride ) Me, i value emptiness- raw space to simply be. It’s point zero for all things and wherein all things align.

Banishing Baggage:

Turning emotional baggage into literal baggage is an easy feat for those who are unsure how to heal, consumer-driven culture sponsors retail therapy, and we donate to its cause, marketing pits us against ourselves in the battle to align, to become conscious and develop the conscience that will drive us to a minimal life- where simplicity is the only ethos and breathing is wisest guide. All of this is the very reason you see television programs such as ‘hoarders’, endless solutions for storage space and a host of programming that celebrates getting more of it- to stockpile shit and clog your chi and develop advanced compulsions around the concept of ‘more’, a sickness that sees peeps making millions in the business of ‘organization’ – and props to them for taking on the challenge to guide others in the difficult task of freeing themselves; while not all peeps are so extreme obviously, we are all colourfully unique in our shades of self and suffering and each individual requires special consideration and a carefully laid plan to tackle their own cleansing and offered here are some tips to launch your detox:

here is a simple 7 step plan to inspire your progress:

( consequently and serendipitously post writing this, i discovered the number 7 in fen shui is related to represents solitude, inner wisdom, contemplation, sanctuary, dreams, visions; universally of course we associate it with luck) 

step one: defining the sacred to weed out the toxic. in a world of excess: take stock of what is important to your wellness by process of elimination
– make a gratitude journal, there is so much to be appreciated in life that i could fill a thousand pages a day with the wonders of the world; however, important is deliberate detailing of your own unique appreciation, learning to harness and wield gratitude in your life is an irreplaceable, powerful weapon to add to your Nourished Warrior arsenal.
This elemental step in the many-part plot to feng shui your universe, is crucial to the overall journey, so consider everything in your journaling, that adds value and thanks to your life.

engaging your proverbial lo-pan ( lo-pan = a feng shui compass that is used to define the bagua or energy map of a home )
In this case we are pointing this proverbial compass at the relationship corner of our ‘houses’, in feng shui terms this is the furthest right room, consequently engaging our right-brain to craft this list engages right brain energies- intuition and ‘ the (w)holistic view of things.

-Start by meditating on your life at an overall, consider all the things that create the mosaic of your world and make determined and specific notations of each and every thing you are grateful for, a deeply reflective process that carries so much underrated reward.

-Strive for 40 items per day- If you are struggling through the process, worry not – the list will create itself once you ignite the power of intention.

-Do this every day for 40 days, 40 is the magic number, while you are engaging in your feng shui cleanse.

( although in feng shui 4 can represent stability and groundedness, death or transformation, 40 of course is significant in a host of spiritual tradition, 0=first cause; manifesting into existence from the unmanifest void, 4-cycles of the natural world; 4 elements; body-mind-spirit-soul, 40 days-time to bring a vision into existence, 40 represents order, harmony and systems, 40 days = symbolic, a benchmark for transformation- the death of oneself and the rebirth alike. According to a french astrologer, “it is the achievement of a cycle in the world, the rhythm of the cyclic repetitions in the Universe”. )

Deliberate determination of all of the things for which you are grateful will allow prioritization of what is truly important. It’s a multi-tasking method for taking stock of the stuff in your life, that will bring clarity to the shit that deserves to stay and the ‘stuff’ that needs to be banished.

step two: make a shit list

anything conspicuously missing several days in a row from your gratitude glossary, needs to be identified and put into a pile.

tip: when you think you are done doing cleaning duty, cross reference to ensure there are not lagging ‘items’ that need to be flushed.

step three: those items ( relations/associations/connections/people) that make it into the baggage pile, make sure you have clearly identified them, and why it is they belong in the proverbial shitter.

Be honest with yourself; otherwise- this whole exercise is useless. But also be gentle with yourself as you may be particularly vulnerable right about now and it’s important to nurture yourself through this process, be a fierce warrior- yes, but don’t forget about pausing to reflect as you write your intentions to release.

It may require some clarity around what belongs here in the shit pile. More than a simple process of elimination of what you are not consistently grateful for- but indeed a full-scale inventory of the mind, heart and soul. Inclusive of your relationships to self, to suffering, to each aspect of living that connects us in the world.

In addition to toxic people, we very often support toxic relationships to self and to aspects of our life. For example, one of the associations i chose for my shit list, was my relationship to money. Specifically as it relates to my own value. By cleansing my relationship to money- i in turn allow for easeful abundance in my life. Other peeps may require cleansing of their relationship to responsibility, to failure, to success, to food or to source itself.

Connections very often have deeper rooted issues behind them, and thus sometimes what seems as if it is our relationship to success for example, that is toxic. It actually is a fear of failure- and thus our relationship to fear of failure. The same applies across the board in the interconnected quilt of our lives – my relationship to money may be toxic, but perhaps underneath that, is my relationship to self worth- and thus it is that association that needs cleansing.

Coming at this from another perspective – there is a lot to be considered in the arena of partnerships. Those people who have had serial relationship issues, may very well need to cleanse many aspects of their approach and their stance on love. For example, a woman creating her relationship shit list has included her penchant for ‘bad boys’ for cheaters or comittment-phobes. It’s great to burn up this blockage, but at the same time mindful consideration of what is behind these patterns is essential. As related to specific ‘types’ of romantic relationships my advice is: Seek the root of what attracts you to those types of men- ( hint: it’s often your own counterpoint in some measure ) and include that on your shit-list. ie: comittment-phobes= insecurity/relationship to self image / cheaters = relationship to trust / self worth issues / Bad boys = relationship to your own sense of rebellion and security.

The second part of the third step requires some introspection. Meditate on the shit list you’ve compiled and determine if you have accurately identified each core issue /relationship. Please remember very often fundamental emotional issues or habits and addictions are personified when you are in an unhealthy love relationship- and therefore carefully consider you aren’t presuming too much toxicity when in fact – once you leave that toxic or abusive relationship much of your relationship to self and to life will begin to heal on its own.

If any of the connections are especially harmful they may require additional detox in order for you to fully be liberated from them, however the third step is simply identifying the shit pile and preparing to flush it.
tip: it may seem harsh to consider ‘people’, connections and relationships ‘shit that needs flushing’ but if you have been taking stock of your ‘whys’ and the reality of these relationships as related to your overall wellness, this feeling should disappear quite quickly.
If you need an affirmation in order to make it through making this list- try this:

“I only have space in my life for healthy, positive, mutually supportive connections that inspire me to thrive.”

step four: Take that shit list and burn it.

You can make this either ritualistic, ceremonial or you can simply read your list and release it.

To add a bit of auspiciousness and symbolic empowerment to this action, you can stand facing south, tie a red thread ’round your list before you quite literally, light it up. ( red thread is an auspicious and sacred symbol, used as a tool of protection for centuries; thought to have supernatural powers, which protect, bring blessings, good fortune, love and abundance and aid in manifesting destiny. )

The thing about fire, is that it cannot be stored. It must be created in order to destroy and thus is its primordial power to achieve the release.
In feng shui fire represents regret from loss of love, and disappointment in relationships.

Take that shit list and burn it.

Yep. watch it smoke and flame and feel the release from all of the suffering that you have been carrying… the weight that is lifted.
Once you have burned this, you can scatter the ashes somewhere beautiful or simply add the fact that you have been liberated from your baggage to your daily gratitude journal.
Keeping this perpetually in mind, and expressing continual gratitude for your ability to release that which no longer serves you will protect and empower your capacities for carrying no further baggage on your journey.

step five (bonus option) a prayer to release baggage.

If there were particularly stubborn items/connections/circumstances and relations on that shit list, that require a more potent prescription for relief,
What you may wish to do is say the ‘ Ho’oponopono’ mantra on them. I first learned this from a Mayan Shaman my first time in Tulum.  ( of course i realize that many modern spiritual ‘teachers’ have incorporated this concept into their teachings as well. ) Maria the Shaman prescribed this ancient hawaiian mantra as a daily meditation,  used to cut old ties, patterns of behaviour, residual energy from past relationships, as a way to move forward and manifest new love.
My interpretation: it is a prayer to release baggage.

visualize: what it is, who it is, where it is that needs cleansing, renewal, release.
a pair of scissors in your left hand and a torch in the other…
…see yourself cutting the ties with the left, applying fire with the right.

Hold your visualization in your awareness while you speak the Ho’oponopono mantra
“I am sorry
forgive me
I love you
and I thank you”
im sorry. forgive me. i love you. thank you. im sorry forgive me. i love you. thank you.
say this, once a day, for 40 days. @ the end of your 40 days, the energetic residue ought to be entirely cleansed. Leaving only new space for positive growth.

zenwarrior affirmations

You may wish to also add affirmations ( which is a volume of this feng shui series, unto itself ) to empower each step of your process- there are so many powerful ones out there- and you can of course create your own.

But if you are seeking something simple, straightforward and superpowerful, supercharged with goodness and light : I offer as a gift to you, the Zen Warrior Affirmations app,
an alchemy of energetic alignment, and warrior-wisdom developed to deliver you the right words – at the right time.

a tool of empowerment conspired to fuel your thriving.

GET THE APP

step six: find a replacement connection – with yourself.

They say it takes 40 days to break a habit, detox from an addiction, or change a pattern of behaviour  and while this is no 12 step program, the sixth step is just as important as the first through fifth, In order to heal from unhealthy patterns of behaviour or rid yourself of a habit or relationship you no longer wish to engage with- it often helps to replace that ‘thing’ with another ( more healthy ) ‘thing’ unfortunately in love and relationships, many times this results in ‘rebound relationships’ and that is most certainly not what i am suggesting, however the concept is empowering- so i suggest finding a replacement connection. With yourself. Whatever it was that was keeping you tied to that previous toxic circumstance was rooted in a need deep inside you, getting in touch with that need and actualizing its presence by recognizing how it has shaped the path you may have taken is key to keeping the toxic pattern broken and collecting no further baggage by burying it within.

My hope is that you identify this ‘thing’ within, that has driven you to collect shit for your shit list and set your intentions on healing it.

setanintention

Seal your liberation by setting new intentions for yourself. Replacing old, worn out shit, with shiny, healthy inspirational new shit-is the key to maintaining the healthy balance that is brought back into your life by the act of feng shui. Intention based healing is something I have been working with for several years and each time i am striving to manifest something, each time i wish to make a promise to myself or set a goal or even remind myself of important values i wish to harness or harvest- i tie on an intention bracelet. This is something that is part of my ritual, doesn’t have to be a part of yours, however should you choose to realize or symbolize your intention setting in a physical way- with something that will remind you of your promise to yourself, or your shiny new way of being, or to celebrate your ability to fengshui out your relationship baggage. click here.

step 7: Compiling a book of ‘lessons learned’  

Realistically, relationship detox isn’t  always as simple as a six step process that includes burning a piece of paper, saying a few prayers and tying on some string. There are real emotional issues that often come alongside the cessation of any connection. It is incredibly important to honor the process of this, and like any passing- allow yourself to grieve… nourish yourself as you Warrior through that process and feel no shame about mourning the connections that you are severing for greater good. As important as freeing yourself from the baggage of an unhealthy relationship, is taking time to reflect on what the relationship taught you. What lessons it brought with it to enrich your life by the light of, and what was it that was mirrored in that ( or those ) connections, as every relationship acts mirror to something. Compiling a ‘lessons learned’ book of sorts by which you can document the outcome of each growth experience- can be an incredibly rewarding and empowering experience in addition to the wisdom it imparts to our hearts. Just a simple experience bible by which to document each important relationship in your life, and what lessons have been harvested or what truths have been reflected by the reality of that connection in your life. Once you have identified what it was that you were meant to learn from something you are freed from the often torturous sense of wondering what went wrong, why it failed, or wtf you were thinking- because that shit no longer matters. The wisdom has been taught to your heart regardless of whether the conscious mind has caught up, and crafting your list of lessons is not only deeply honouring to each relationship, but it honors your own heart and grants it liberation from the feelings of failure or guilt, transforming each and every relationship experience into something to add to your gratitude glossary.

Because in the end, what we take with us is not always baggage.

-muchos bendiciones,

R.

end vol l. to be continued with volume ll of ‘feng shui your universe ‘  an 8 part series 

anyone with feedback on this series or requiring intuitive guidance around the art of feng shui in relationships can connect with me, i am happy to help guide you in any way you need.

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